Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
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