I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
