Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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