careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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