halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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