mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
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