Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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