youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
