Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
