Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Tip of the day: Don't Amazon vibrators when your WHOLE FAMILY uses your prime account. There's dildo after dildo showing up in my "Related to Items You've Viewed" category on the home page.
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
