she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
