i think my tv is drunk
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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