and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
