Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Randomize
