Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
