I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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