When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I could have mohawked her pubes.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize