So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
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