I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
Randomize
