I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
