He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
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