I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
