It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
You passed out with your mouth on the faucet, straddling the keg, with your arms wrapped around it
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
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