I met the friendliest cop last night
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
Randomize
