my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
He straight up just had me drive all the way here and when I got here he was drinking a cup of tea and right after said he needed to go to bed
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I think my pickup truck has been used for the sex... This doesn't sit right with me.
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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