They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
Our relationship just reached the stage where i can touch her boobs while making a honking noise without getting hit in the face
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Results of pregaming honors college basketball social: 18 points, 3 blocks, and 3 flagrant fouls leading to 2 broken bones on former valedictorians. I'm doing this more often.
If drinking before honors events and injuring our universities brightest doesn't get you kicked out of the program, you're not trying hard enough.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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