Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Too stoned. Randomly can't get the image of Emilio estevez's smiling face out of my head. What is life.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
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