ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize