i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
areolas are like halos for boobs.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
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