I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
Randomize
