Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
Randomize