Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
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