i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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