dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
