Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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