Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
