Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
