I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Today I learned that I have a bigger dick than Draymond Green
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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