pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Apparently I called down to the hotel front desk and begged them to bring us pizza. They brought us tea.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
