i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
