ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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