sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
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Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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