Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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