I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He is now tagging himself in my pics from last year where he is barely visable in the corner. i feel like he's marking his territory.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Randomize
