you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
