oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
