Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Randomize
