Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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