omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
