Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
