Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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