I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
they gave me money. the money smells like weed. also they gave me weed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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