We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
How does one acquire holy water?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Randomize
