new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I have this strange craving to see a really fat person go down a slipnslide
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Randomize
