So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
How would you go about getting a hold of the country star that you slept with and are now potentially pregnant with their baby...?
myspace Music?
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
