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I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Randomize
