girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Randomize
