Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Randomize
