Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
I got kicked out of the men's bathroom at the diner last night because i was straddling the sink attempting to pee with pants on. Beat that.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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