I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
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