apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
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