u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
I walked home with him, but I had to pee...so I did...as we walked. He was so drunk he didn't even notice. Good thing I was in a dress.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
