I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Randomize
