and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
