I just made out with a guy for $7.
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
Randomize
