Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
You up for the gym tonight after work?
I'm up for a light workout and a nice yog.
Fair enough, I'm gonna hit it hard today.
Chris Brown style, or less felonious?
Haha, all felonious.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
